I always take the Monday after the Honolulu Marathon off, doing as little as possible. This year, having dropped out of the race after six miles, I had plenty of energy and an appetite to document my reactions while fresh. That effort ended up being my race report.
Since then I have been bouncing between several points of view. The strongest is where I question whether or not I actually had an SVT episode. Was it just nerves? Did I run too fast? Was I able to keep going? Should I have toughed it out?
My reaction to these questions is to go back and recall, in as much detail as possible, how I felt at the time. I have been running three or four days a week since September. Two long runs a week. Sunday long runs extending out well past three hours multiple times. I know what normal feels like, and what I felt on Sunday was not normal. Not even close.
But, even after going through that process, I come up feeling inadequate. Like I did something wrong. I ran it wrong. I quit when I should have kept going. Panic? No, not a bit of panic. No worries about anything. I felt great until after saying hi to Santa.
Oh, it can get worse. I will start to turn on my body. The old “I’m not good enough.” line. Right up there with “I’m too fat,” and “I’m too skinny” and “My nose is ugly.”
Isn’t it amazing how hard we can be on ourselves? So much negative self-talk.
I am determined to be patient and work this out, and not give up on my goal of making 2022 my best year ever. Well, not counting when I got married. Or when our boys were born. But right there on that stage.