“I’m not good enough.”
“I’m not ready.”
“I’m too old.”
“I’m too fat.”
These are just some of the thoughts people experience that interfere with taking on a challenge. The challenge can be just about anything. A new job. A final exam. A new relationship. Having children. Running a marathon. Even hiring a coach to help you prepare for that triathlon you have been thinking about.
Emotions do not have sharply defined boundaries. Ever go to the dentist with a sore tooth only to be uncertain about which tooth it is? How about a sore toe after a run. Which toe? Hard to say. An itch on your back? “Up a little. To the right. To the left. Down a little.” When it comes to emotions, we know we have them, but when is it joy and when is it serenity? How about sadness, regret, anger, fear, and terror? We think we know the difference, but the truth is we can’t always be certain.
In my last post I described the chimp model of brain function, as described by Simon Marshall and Lesley Paterson. The emotions I am describing here are normal, common, and come from our chimp brain. They are powerful. Our chimp can make us feel like we are not ready for whatever goal we have set for ourselves, and no matter how much our professor brain tries to explain that we are prepared, the emotion refuses to go away. It only retreats when the threat posed by the goal is over. After the exam, after the race – whatever marks the achievement of the goal – that is when we are overcome by a powerful sense of relief. We celebrate, and we laugh at ourselves for ever doubting our ability. It is then we know we were foolish, but on the way to the goal our apprehension feels anything but foolish. Even when people we trust tell us we have nothing to worry about, we find it impossible to give up our apprehension. We want to agree with them. We want the doubt to go away, but it refuses to. That is our chimp brain trying its best to keep us alive, healthy, and successful. It has worked for millions of years and got us to where we are today.
The impostor syndrome is just one manifestation of your chimp brain doing its job. Virtually everyone experiences it at some time. Taking on a new challenge, like doing your first marathon or your first triathlon, provides ample opportunities to experience it. But don’t be fooled. Many experienced athletes struggle with it. Allow me to share a few of mine, not to brag, rather to let you know you are not alone.
I had been a cyclist for years, and just completed my first marathon when my wife, already having done several triathlons, suggested that I put it all together and take up triathlon. I knew I was a lousy swimmer, but how hard could it be? (Cue laugh track here.) My good friend Sonya recommended I look for Terry Laughlin videos on YouTube. I enjoyed them so much I purchased his video course, Perpetual Motion Freestyle. I was up to lesson three or four (in other words still a long way from what could be called swimming) when another good friend suggested I sign up for a swim class taught by Peter Hursty. I arrived at Ala Moana beach expecting a gaggle of beginners like me, but everyone else looked very experienced. Peter introduced one woman in particular, Lori McCarney, who had just qualified for Ironman Kona. I felt like I wanted to crawl into a nearby crab hole. Peter and the rest of the group were completely understanding and supportive, but it took every ounce of my willpower to show up for the next session. Eventually I did learn how to swim. If you can call it swimming!
A year later I was standing at the start line for my first race, the Honolulu Triathlon. Despite a year of hard work and all that encouragement for Peter’s group, I felt completely out of place. I staggered into the water in a daze. I started to swim, couldn’t breath, stopped, thought seriously about quitting right there, not twenty yards from the start, but I kept going. As soon as the race was over I knew I wanted to do more. I signed up for the now defunct Tinman and felt fine at the start, in spite of the choppy swim. I was hooked.
The emotion of feeling inadequate or being exposed as a fraud that is the hallmark of the impostor syndrome can be the only thing standing between you and having a coach. This is not to say there is anything wrong with being self coached. Maybe you are, and it is working well for you. Perhaps you enjoy learning all that goes into being a coach and do not mind the time involved. More likely you have thought about taking on a new challenge and held back because you do not know how to find a path to your goal, and you do not have the time to invest in learning a bunch of new skills. A coach can help you find your path, and stay on it.